Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

“What are you doing here?” I ask through my sobs.

He comes and kneels before me, his eyes staring at me with an emotion I can’t figure out.

“Emma told me she saw you at the store. She said you looked hysterical and that you bought a bunch of pregnancy tests before leaving” he tells me softly, his fingers wiping away my tears.

Damn it Emma and her big mouth! What the hell did she think she’ll accomplish by telling Rowan that I bought pregnancy tests?

“She shouldn’t have told you. It’s none of her business neither is it yours” I hiss.

He doesn’t react instead he asks. “Have you taken the test?”

I just nod my head as more tears fill my eyes.

“And?”

I don’t answer him. I just couldn’t bring myself to admit what the test informed me.

When I don’t answer he surveys the room. His eyes land on them laying near the sink. He stands up and goes to check them. I should be fucking angry that he was violating my privacy, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. Not when I had much more important things to worry about.

He comes back and this time instead of kneeling before me. He instead sits next to me.

“Congratulation. You’re going to be a great mother” he tell me an odd catch in his voice.

I lay my head on his shoulder as I speak. “Am I? You didn’t ever want to have another baby with me even though I wanted one desperately. I thought it’s because you thought I was a bad mother”

I was always so insecure when it came to Rowan. I knew the real reason. He didn’t want another baby because he was holding out hope that Emma will come back. I lied to myself because it was better to think he thought I wasn’t a good mother than to acknowledge that he just didn’t want a

baby with me.

“I’ve never thought you’re a bad mother, Ava. You’re the fucking best. One just has to look at the relationship between you and Noah to know it’s true” he pauses. “Can I tell you something?”

I nod my head.

“I was always jealous of the bond you have with Noah. I still am” he confesses. I lift my head in

shock.

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“Really”

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I still can’t believe that Rowan was right now sitting on the bathroom floor with me. The Rowan i

know wouldn’t have cared at all, let alone wipe away my tears.

“Yeah” he answers

We stay in silence after that. I soon start feeling drowsy. I don’t know when I slept or how he carried me to my bed. The last thing I felt before falling into deep sleep, was his lips on my

forehead.

When I wake up, it’s midafternoon the next day. I find breakfast on my side table. Which was

probably cold.

and make an appointment with my gynecologist. I take a

I still felt

so I ignore the food. I didn’t know who brought it, but

Rowan.

up and drive as slowly as I can. Trying to delay getting to the doctor’s office. I get there after almost an hour since

the private clinic.

husbands. It takes me back to

appointments. I was even

given

was expecting.

and take a seat, while I wait for

called.

finally called after about forty five

and walk to Dr.

can I do for

was hoping to get an ultrasound. I took a pregnancy

just wanted a confirmation”

nervous and nearing

316

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on the bed, while I set up things?” she

nod

get up on the bed and stare at the ceiling. I tried calming my beating heart, but it was

pull up your

hands shaking. She squirts the gel on my

wand around.

three months along.” she says happily just as the sound

beating heart fills

grip the hem of

but I wasn’t.

blur. She cleans me up and gives me instructions.

by her secretary’s desk.

prints for me the images of the

the hell hounds of hell were after

had held hope. Hope that the tests were false. It’s know to

it will be the

Driving, with the real proof

backseat.

while not sure where I am, until I finally park.

the cliff.

didn’t want him or her. I didn’t want a baby

the same man that tried his

at him or her and not feel any type of resentment? I wanted

baby will make sure I don’t. He or she will be a reminder of how

betrayed me.

do was to take a step forward. Just one

I would be free of

drowning me.

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distance, but I don’t turn. I still

you’re doing,

I feel its force. As if it was

step

Step away from the cliff. Come to me”