Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

“What are you doing here?” I ask through my sobs.

He comes and kneels before me, his eyes staring at me with an emotion I can’t figure out.

“Emma told me she saw you at the store. She said you looked hysterical and that you bought a bunch of pregnancy tests before leaving” he tells me softly, his fingers wiping away my tears.

Damn it Emma and her big mouth! What the hell did she think she’ll accomplish by telling Rowan that I bought pregnancy tests?

“She shouldn’t have told you. It’s none of her business neither is it yours” I hiss.

He doesn’t react instead he asks. “Have you taken the test?”

I just nod my head as more tears fill my eyes.

“And?”

I don’t answer him. I just couldn’t bring myself to admit what the test informed me.

When I don’t answer he surveys the room. His eyes land on them laying near the sink. He stands up and goes to check them. I should be fucking angry that he was violating my privacy, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. Not when I had much more important things to worry about.

He comes back and this time instead of kneeling before me. He instead sits next to me.

“Congratulation. You’re going to be a great mother” he tell me an odd catch in his voice.

I lay my head on his shoulder as I speak. “Am I? You didn’t ever want to have another baby with me even though I wanted one desperately. I thought it’s because you thought I was a bad mother”

I was always so insecure when it came to Rowan. I knew the real reason. He didn’t want another baby because he was holding out hope that Emma will come back. I lied to myself because it was better to think he thought I wasn’t a good mother than to acknowledge that he just didn’t want a

baby with me.

“I’ve never thought you’re a bad mother, Ava. You’re the fucking best. One just has to look at the relationship between you and Noah to know it’s true” he pauses. “Can I tell you something?”

I nod my head.

“I was always jealous of the bond you have with Noah. I still am” he confesses. I lift my head in

shock.

2

“Really”

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I still can’t believe that Rowan was right now sitting on the bathroom floor with me. The Rowan i

know wouldn’t have cared at all, let alone wipe away my tears.

“Yeah” he answers

We stay in silence after that. I soon start feeling drowsy. I don’t know when I slept or how he carried me to my bed. The last thing I felt before falling into deep sleep, was his lips on my

forehead.

When I wake up, it’s midafternoon the next day. I find breakfast on my side table. Which was

probably cold.

with my gynecologist.

I still felt tired and worn

food. I didn’t know who brought it, but

Rowan.

as I can. Trying to delay getting to the doctor’s office. I get there after almost an hour since I left. Taking a deep breath, I get

the private clinic.

inside with their husbands. It takes me

my appointments. I was even shocked that he

room when I was giving birth, given he showed little care for me and

was expecting.

those away, I give the secretary my details and take a seat, while I wait for my name to

called.

I’m finally called

stand up and walk

you, Ava. So what can I do for you this fine afternoon?” she asks as she

I took a pregnancy test yesterday and they were positive, but

just wanted a confirmation”

hands. Completely nervous and nearing a

316

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can be arranged Why don’t you lay on the bed, while I

nod

get up on the bed and stare at the ceiling. I tried calming my beating heart,

up your

hands shaking. She squirts the gel

wand around.

she

heart fills

blink back the tears and grip the hem of my top. She sounded

but I wasn’t.

She cleans me up and gives me

and pass by her secretary’s

and prints for me

the hell

I had held hope. Hope that the tests were false. It’s know to

that it will be the

here I am. Driving, with the real proof that I was expecting Ethan’s baby laying

backseat.

not sure where I am, until I finally park. I get out and

the cliff.

this baby? I didn’t want him or her. I didn’t want a baby

baby with the same man that

look at him or her and not feel any

This baby will make sure I don’t. He or she will be a reminder of how

betrayed me.

forward. Just one step and everything will end. There won’t

sadness or heartache. I would be free of the constant

drowning me.

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but I don’t turn. I

do you think you’re doing, Ava?” Rowan’s voice

wind picks up I feel its force. As if it was also urging me to make that

step

from the cliff. Come to me” I feel his presence as he slowly