Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

“What are you doing here?” I ask through my sobs.

He comes and kneels before me, his eyes staring at me with an emotion I can’t figure out.

“Emma told me she saw you at the store. She said you looked hysterical and that you bought a bunch of pregnancy tests before leaving” he tells me softly, his fingers wiping away my tears.

Damn it Emma and her big mouth! What the hell did she think she’ll accomplish by telling Rowan that I bought pregnancy tests?

“She shouldn’t have told you. It’s none of her business neither is it yours” I hiss.

He doesn’t react instead he asks. “Have you taken the test?”

I just nod my head as more tears fill my eyes.

“And?”

I don’t answer him. I just couldn’t bring myself to admit what the test informed me.

When I don’t answer he surveys the room. His eyes land on them laying near the sink. He stands up and goes to check them. I should be fucking angry that he was violating my privacy, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. Not when I had much more important things to worry about.

He comes back and this time instead of kneeling before me. He instead sits next to me.

“Congratulation. You’re going to be a great mother” he tell me an odd catch in his voice.

I lay my head on his shoulder as I speak. “Am I? You didn’t ever want to have another baby with me even though I wanted one desperately. I thought it’s because you thought I was a bad mother”

I was always so insecure when it came to Rowan. I knew the real reason. He didn’t want another baby because he was holding out hope that Emma will come back. I lied to myself because it was better to think he thought I wasn’t a good mother than to acknowledge that he just didn’t want a

baby with me.

“I’ve never thought you’re a bad mother, Ava. You’re the fucking best. One just has to look at the relationship between you and Noah to know it’s true” he pauses. “Can I tell you something?”

I nod my head.

“I was always jealous of the bond you have with Noah. I still am” he confesses. I lift my head in

shock.

2

“Really”

+15 BONUS

I still can’t believe that Rowan was right now sitting on the bathroom floor with me. The Rowan i

know wouldn’t have cared at all, let alone wipe away my tears.

“Yeah” he answers

We stay in silence after that. I soon start feeling drowsy. I don’t know when I slept or how he carried me to my bed. The last thing I felt before falling into deep sleep, was his lips on my

forehead.

When I wake up, it’s midafternoon the next day. I find breakfast on my side table. Which was

probably cold.

bed and make an appointment with my gynecologist. I take

felt tired and worn

wasn’t hungry so I ignore the food. I didn’t know who brought it, but my guess is that

Rowan.

as slowly as I can. Trying to delay getting to the doctor’s office. I get there after almost an hour since I left. Taking a

the private clinic.

inside with their husbands. It takes me back to when I was pregnant with

accompanied me to any of my appointments. I was even shocked

when I was giving birth, given he showed little care for me and the baby I

was expecting.

my details and take a seat, while

called.

I’m finally called after

up and walk to Dr. Raven’s

can I do for you

to get an ultrasound. I took a pregnancy test yesterday and they were

just wanted a confirmation”

wring my hands. Completely nervous and nearing

316

+15 BONUS

the bed, while I set

nod

stare at the ceiling. I tried calming my beating heart, but it was of

up

says, my hands shaking. She squirts

wand around.

months along.” she says happily just

beating heart fills

and grip the hem of my top. She

but I wasn’t.

a blur. She cleans me up

vitamins. I leave her office and pass by her secretary’s desk.

for me the images of

everything is done, I leave like the hell hounds of

numb as I drove. I had held hope. Hope that the

was hoping that it will be the same for my

Driving, with the real proof

backseat.

until I finally park. I get out

the cliff.

can I be happy about this baby? I didn’t want

baby with the same man that tried his hardest

look at him or her and not feel

I don’t. He or she will be a reminder of how

betrayed me.

to take a step forward. Just

I would be free of the constant

drowning me.

4/6

+15 BONUS

distance, but I don’t turn. I still don’t turn when

the hell do you think you’re doing, Ava?” Rowan’s voice

feel its force. As if it was also urging me to make

step

Step away from the cliff. Come to me”