Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

“What are you doing here?” I ask through my sobs.

He comes and kneels before me, his eyes staring at me with an emotion I can’t figure out.

“Emma told me she saw you at the store. She said you looked hysterical and that you bought a bunch of pregnancy tests before leaving” he tells me softly, his fingers wiping away my tears.

Damn it Emma and her big mouth! What the hell did she think she’ll accomplish by telling Rowan that I bought pregnancy tests?

“She shouldn’t have told you. It’s none of her business neither is it yours” I hiss.

He doesn’t react instead he asks. “Have you taken the test?”

I just nod my head as more tears fill my eyes.

“And?”

I don’t answer him. I just couldn’t bring myself to admit what the test informed me.

When I don’t answer he surveys the room. His eyes land on them laying near the sink. He stands up and goes to check them. I should be fucking angry that he was violating my privacy, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. Not when I had much more important things to worry about.

He comes back and this time instead of kneeling before me. He instead sits next to me.

“Congratulation. You’re going to be a great mother” he tell me an odd catch in his voice.

I lay my head on his shoulder as I speak. “Am I? You didn’t ever want to have another baby with me even though I wanted one desperately. I thought it’s because you thought I was a bad mother”

I was always so insecure when it came to Rowan. I knew the real reason. He didn’t want another baby because he was holding out hope that Emma will come back. I lied to myself because it was better to think he thought I wasn’t a good mother than to acknowledge that he just didn’t want a

baby with me.

“I’ve never thought you’re a bad mother, Ava. You’re the fucking best. One just has to look at the relationship between you and Noah to know it’s true” he pauses. “Can I tell you something?”

I nod my head.

“I was always jealous of the bond you have with Noah. I still am” he confesses. I lift my head in

shock.

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“Really”

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I still can’t believe that Rowan was right now sitting on the bathroom floor with me. The Rowan i

know wouldn’t have cared at all, let alone wipe away my tears.

“Yeah” he answers

We stay in silence after that. I soon start feeling drowsy. I don’t know when I slept or how he carried me to my bed. The last thing I felt before falling into deep sleep, was his lips on my

forehead.

When I wake up, it’s midafternoon the next day. I find breakfast on my side table. Which was

probably cold.

of bed and make an appointment with my gynecologist. I take a quick shower then

felt tired and worn

I ignore the food. I didn’t know who brought it, but

Rowan.

to delay getting to the doctor’s office. I get there after almost an hour since I left. Taking a deep breath, I get

the private clinic.

their husbands. It takes me back to when I was pregnant

never accompanied me to any of my appointments. I

giving birth, given he

was expecting.

I give the secretary my details and take a seat, while I wait

called.

I’m finally called after

and walk to Dr. Raven’s

So what can I do for you this fine afternoon?” she asks as

an ultrasound. I took a pregnancy

just wanted a confirmation”

Completely nervous and

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bed, while I set up things?” she

nod

ceiling. I

up your

shaking. She squirts the gel on

wand around.

she says happily just as the sound

heart fills

tears and grip the hem of my top. She sounded happy as she

but I wasn’t.

blur. She cleans me up and gives me instructions. Talking

office and pass by her secretary’s desk. She gives me

and prints for me the

done, I leave like the hell hounds

as I drove. I had held hope. Hope that the

that it will be the

the real proof

backseat.

I am, until I

the cliff.

baby? I didn’t want him or her. I didn’t want a baby

A baby with the same man that tried

look at him or her and not feel any type of resentment? I wanted to forget my time

sure I don’t. He or she will be a reminder

betrayed me.

had to do was to take a step forward. Just one step and everything will

would be free of

drowning me.

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distance, but I don’t turn. I still

you think you’re doing,

up I feel its force. As if it was also urging

step

cliff. Come to me” I feel his presence as he