Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

“What are you doing here?” I ask through my sobs.

He comes and kneels before me, his eyes staring at me with an emotion I can’t figure out.

“Emma told me she saw you at the store. She said you looked hysterical and that you bought a bunch of pregnancy tests before leaving” he tells me softly, his fingers wiping away my tears.

Damn it Emma and her big mouth! What the hell did she think she’ll accomplish by telling Rowan that I bought pregnancy tests?

“She shouldn’t have told you. It’s none of her business neither is it yours” I hiss.

He doesn’t react instead he asks. “Have you taken the test?”

I just nod my head as more tears fill my eyes.

“And?”

I don’t answer him. I just couldn’t bring myself to admit what the test informed me.

When I don’t answer he surveys the room. His eyes land on them laying near the sink. He stands up and goes to check them. I should be fucking angry that he was violating my privacy, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. Not when I had much more important things to worry about.

He comes back and this time instead of kneeling before me. He instead sits next to me.

“Congratulation. You’re going to be a great mother” he tell me an odd catch in his voice.

I lay my head on his shoulder as I speak. “Am I? You didn’t ever want to have another baby with me even though I wanted one desperately. I thought it’s because you thought I was a bad mother”

I was always so insecure when it came to Rowan. I knew the real reason. He didn’t want another baby because he was holding out hope that Emma will come back. I lied to myself because it was better to think he thought I wasn’t a good mother than to acknowledge that he just didn’t want a

baby with me.

“I’ve never thought you’re a bad mother, Ava. You’re the fucking best. One just has to look at the relationship between you and Noah to know it’s true” he pauses. “Can I tell you something?”

I nod my head.

“I was always jealous of the bond you have with Noah. I still am” he confesses. I lift my head in

shock.

2

“Really”

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I still can’t believe that Rowan was right now sitting on the bathroom floor with me. The Rowan i

know wouldn’t have cared at all, let alone wipe away my tears.

“Yeah” he answers

We stay in silence after that. I soon start feeling drowsy. I don’t know when I slept or how he carried me to my bed. The last thing I felt before falling into deep sleep, was his lips on my

forehead.

When I wake up, it’s midafternoon the next day. I find breakfast on my side table. Which was

probably cold.

make an appointment with my gynecologist.

still felt tired

hungry so I ignore the food. I didn’t know who

Rowan.

into my car, I fire it up and drive as slowly as I can. Trying to delay getting to the doctor’s office. I get there after almost an hour since I left. Taking a deep breath, I get out and

the private clinic.

inside with their husbands. It takes me back to when

of my appointments. I was even shocked

when I was giving birth, given he

was expecting.

those away, I give the secretary my details and take a seat, while

called.

called after

and walk

So what can I do for you this fine afternoon?” she

a pregnancy

just wanted a confirmation”

wring my hands. Completely nervous and nearing

316

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can be arranged Why don’t you lay on the bed,

nod

and stare at the ceiling. I tried calming my beating

pull up

She squirts the

wand around.

months along.” she says happily just as the sound

beating heart fills

grip the hem of my top.

but I wasn’t.

a blur. She cleans me up

vitamins. I leave her office and pass by her secretary’s desk. She gives me a date for my

for me the

everything is done, I leave like the hell

as I drove. I had held hope. Hope that the tests were

accurate. I was hoping that it will be the same for

I am. Driving, with the real proof that

backseat.

drive for a while not sure where I am, until I finally park. I get out and robotically walk

the cliff.

this baby? I didn’t want him or her. I didn’t

same man that tried his hardest to

not feel any type of resentment? I wanted to

sure I don’t. He or she

betrayed me.

forward. Just one step and everything will end.

sadness or heartache. I would be free of the constant darkness

drowning me.

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a cat in the distance, but I don’t turn. I still don’t

hell do you think you’re doing, Ava?” Rowan’s voice growls from behind

its force. As

step

away from the cliff. Come to