Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

“What are you doing here?” I ask through my sobs.

He comes and kneels before me, his eyes staring at me with an emotion I can’t figure out.

“Emma told me she saw you at the store. She said you looked hysterical and that you bought a bunch of pregnancy tests before leaving” he tells me softly, his fingers wiping away my tears.

Damn it Emma and her big mouth! What the hell did she think she’ll accomplish by telling Rowan that I bought pregnancy tests?

“She shouldn’t have told you. It’s none of her business neither is it yours” I hiss.

He doesn’t react instead he asks. “Have you taken the test?”

I just nod my head as more tears fill my eyes.

“And?”

I don’t answer him. I just couldn’t bring myself to admit what the test informed me.

When I don’t answer he surveys the room. His eyes land on them laying near the sink. He stands up and goes to check them. I should be fucking angry that he was violating my privacy, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. Not when I had much more important things to worry about.

He comes back and this time instead of kneeling before me. He instead sits next to me.

“Congratulation. You’re going to be a great mother” he tell me an odd catch in his voice.

I lay my head on his shoulder as I speak. “Am I? You didn’t ever want to have another baby with me even though I wanted one desperately. I thought it’s because you thought I was a bad mother”

I was always so insecure when it came to Rowan. I knew the real reason. He didn’t want another baby because he was holding out hope that Emma will come back. I lied to myself because it was better to think he thought I wasn’t a good mother than to acknowledge that he just didn’t want a

baby with me.

“I’ve never thought you’re a bad mother, Ava. You’re the fucking best. One just has to look at the relationship between you and Noah to know it’s true” he pauses. “Can I tell you something?”

I nod my head.

“I was always jealous of the bond you have with Noah. I still am” he confesses. I lift my head in

shock.

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“Really”

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I still can’t believe that Rowan was right now sitting on the bathroom floor with me. The Rowan i

know wouldn’t have cared at all, let alone wipe away my tears.

“Yeah” he answers

We stay in silence after that. I soon start feeling drowsy. I don’t know when I slept or how he carried me to my bed. The last thing I felt before falling into deep sleep, was his lips on my

forehead.

When I wake up, it’s midafternoon the next day. I find breakfast on my side table. Which was

probably cold.

out of bed and make an appointment with my gynecologist. I

I still felt tired

hungry so I ignore the food. I didn’t know who brought

Rowan.

doctor’s office. I get there

the private clinic.

inside with their husbands. It takes me back

me to any of my appointments. I was

in the room when I was giving birth, given he showed little care

was expecting.

and take a seat, while

called.

called after about forty

stand up and walk

you, Ava. So what can I do for you this fine afternoon?” she

was hoping to get an ultrasound. I took a

just wanted a confirmation”

nervous and nearing a heart

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lay on the bed, while I set

nod

stare at the ceiling. I tried calming my beating heart, but it was

pull up your

do as she says, my hands shaking. She squirts the gel on my stomach and begins moving

wand around.

months along.” she says happily just as the sound

beating heart fills the room,

tears and grip the hem of my

but I wasn’t.

a blur. She cleans me

by her

for me

everything is done, I leave like the hell hounds of

drove. I had held hope. Hope

that it

here I am. Driving, with the real proof that I was expecting Ethan’s baby laying

backseat.

sure where I am, until I finally park. I get

the cliff.

happy about this baby? I didn’t want him or her. I didn’t

the same man that tried his hardest to end

I look at him or her and not feel any type of resentment? I wanted

He or she will be a reminder of

betrayed me.

I had to do was to take a step forward. Just one step and everything will end. There

pain, or sadness or heartache. I would be

drowning me.

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don’t turn. I still don’t turn when

you think you’re doing, Ava?” Rowan’s voice growls from behind

even as the wind picks up I feel its force.

step

Come to