Letting My Brother's Best Friend Take My V-Card

FORGIVEN?

JOSH - SENIOR YEAR

I stood outside Laura's house, my hands buried deep in my jacket pockets as the crisp evening air nipped at my skin. My breath came out in uneven puffs of white mist, but the chill wasn't what was making my chest tight. It was her.

Her house loomed in front of me, the porch light casting a warm glow against the dark. I knew she was inside, probably curled up on the couch or doing something mundane, and yet it felt like an impossible task to just walk up and knock. What would I even say? Hey, Laura. I know I broke your heart and destroyed everything we had, but can we talk? Yeah, that would go over real fucking well.

I paced the small stretch of sidewalk, running my hand through my hair and cursing under my breath. I'd been standing out here for what felt like forever, trying to psych myself up. The weight of what I'd done was like a brick in my chest, making it hard to breathe. The truth was, I was terrified.

I'd never been this scared in my life-not before a game, not even when I was a kid sneaking out past curfew. This was different. This was her. And if I messed this up, there was no fixing it. 0.00%

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I stopped in front of the door, inhaling deeply through my nose and holding it for a moment before letting it out slowly. My hand hovered in the air, ready to knock, but my chest tightened again. What if she slammed the door in my face? What if she didn't even let me explain? "Come on, Josh," I muttered to myself. "Man up."

Before I could convince myself to just get it over with, the door

swung open.

Laura stood there, her expression a mix of exasperation and something softer I couldn't quite place. Her hair was pulled back in a loose ponytail, and she was wearing one of those oversized sweatshirts that always swallowed her frame. She looked like home. "You've been out here for an hour now," she said, crossing her arms and leaning against the doorframe.

An hour? Damn.

I scratched the back of my neck and forced a nervous smile. "I didn't know how to start this conversation," I admitted, my voice quieter than I'd intended.

might shut the door in my face. But she stepped aside and gestured for me

then I stepped inside, the familiar scent of her home-vanilla and something uniquely Laura-hitting me like a punch to the gut. She closed the door behind me

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FORGIVEN?

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her cheek still there. I wanted to reach out and brush over it. Soothe

from one foot

eyebrow, her expression unimpressed.

much I know, Josh."

that. Hell, I

"I was scared," I said, the words tumbling out in a rush. "I know that doesn't excuse what I did, but it's the truth. I've never... I've never cared about anyone like this before. Not outside my

around herself, her nails digging into the fabric of her sweatshirt. Her silence

thought... I don't know what I thought. Maybe that if I ruined it first, it wouldn't hurt as much if you left. But it was the dumbest thing I've ever done. What happened with..." I swallowed hard, my throat dry. "It

there. "It meant something to me," she said, her voice trembling. "It meant that

I said,

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firmly in place.

searched mine, and for a moment, I thought I might have lost her for

mine. Her skin was warm against my cold fingers, and I held on like it was the only thing

of losing a game, not of getting hurt on the field-nothing compares to the fear of losing you. And know I've

movements jerky and frustrated. "Josh. This isn't... We aren't... We have time to find the right person and

stepped closer, close enough that I could feel the heat of her body. My hand tightened around hers,