Secrets of Us A Forbidden Love Romance (Alina)

Chapter 171

I'm There

It's been a week. A long week.

Seven days of pretending I'm fine, of forcing my hands to stop shaking when I'm eating and I have three pairs of eyes taking in every move I make.

I've spent seven days sleeping alone, curled up on my side of the bed like it's a raft in the middle of an endless ocean.

In the dark.

With nothing but my own fears and anxiety surrounding me.

Jake's been so preoccupied with work that it he hasn't really been able to ask me what's wrong, or as me how I'm feeling. Aiden has been going to school without me and his coach is getting intense, setting more practices and meetings with scouts.

We've all been feeling the pressures of our lives. No one pushes me, but they check in on me, regardless. They ask me if I'm okay with everything now that I'm at home instead of

school.

And I say the same thing every time. I'm fine.

I keep thinking I'll find the courage to call the doctor, but the phone sits next to me, untouched, like it's mocking me. I stare at it for minutes at a time, my thumb hovering

over the screen, and then I just can't.

I'm scared. Of the answer. Of what it means. Of the questions that don't have

answers.

Homeschooling helps a little.

It gives me something to do, something to focus on that isn't the constant nausea

in my

stomach, or is that just nerves? I don't even know anymore. I pour all of me into my

classes, maybe a little too much.

I am avoiding myself too at this point, not just the guys.

that search my face like they

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I'm There

waiting, like he's giving me space and

it.

Zaid is different, though.

just watches me with those unreadable eyes, his touches softer than they've ever been. A kiss on the cheek when he leaves, his fingers brushing against mine when he passes

feels like his

my bedroom door just as I'm finishing up the last assignment for the day.

opens.

trying to

there like he's holding himself together with a sheer force of will. He doesn't step inside right away. His hands are shoved deep in his pockets, his shoulders tight and coiled. His jaw is set, and his nostrils flare slightly,

immediately that he's trying to

Not demanding,

the only thing I

me. His eyes flash with frustration, but he reins it in. His throat bobs

feel like..." He pauses, struggling to find the words, shaking his head

to calm my nerves as

tell me if you wanted me to know. But you

heart rate spikes, and I press my trembling lips together. "I

14:28 pm

I'm There

My stomach twists.

Guilt.

Fear.

Shame.

claws its way through me and makes my spine shiver. I drop my gaze

at the hem of my

read it," I admit

"What do you mean?"

There

don't know."

sharp and controlled. His fingers twitch at

throat tightening. "No. I- I'm scared to

sound and how pathetic they make me