Chapter 172
Don't Want to Be Alone
I'm chewing on my bottom lip as I watch the lights and street signs pass overhead.
The ride is quiet, so quiet that I can hear my own breathing,
Every tick of the turn signal, every shuffle of clothing grates against my ears like it's too loud. Zaid's hands have a tight hold on the wheel. I watch at his knuckles turn white, watch the way his jaw flexes every time we hit a red light.
The tension increases with every second, and he clears his throat before he finally speaks.
"Jace finally has a girlfriend," he says out of nowhere. His voice scratchy, rough like he hasn't used it in days.
I blink, startled, and turn to look at him.
Jace?
We've never talked about Jace. I mean, I know who he is. I've met him and talke to him before. But why is he bringing him up now?
I have to hold in my laugh, stop myself from asking him why we're talking about Jace. I give him something because I can tell he's grasping for normal. For small talk that doesn't exist right now.
"Oh, yeah? That's good for him, I guess."
Zaid nods, once and sharp. His leg bounces a little, the only sign of his fraying patience, his nerves. "Yeah."
It's all he says. I don't think he knows what he's saying at this point.
I almost laugh. Almost.
The comment is so far out of left field, I can't believe he's trying this hard to just talk to
1. me.
We fall quiet again; it makes me press my hand to my stomach, even though I already feel sick enough. I focus on breathing. Zaid keeps driving, but the closer we get, the more rigid
1/4
Don't Want to Be Alone
the time we pull into the parking
it fear? Anger? Anxiety?
into park harder than he
out without thinking, placing my
leave my hand there,
waiting in the lobby for me?"
think it might help him a little,
me feel
something stricken in his eyes. Something hollow and aching. But after a long second, he
do
and out. His hand finds mine as we walk toward the building, his fingers sliding between mine without asking. His grip is warm and strong,
feet away. His eyes stay on me, even when I
last time, but he stays seated, his elbows braced on
rocks back and forth.
into the back. The exam room is cold, but the OBGYN is nice enough. I get checked
Not pregnant.
words are
me
2/4
to
those words
to blur, my heartbeat racing ahead of
the lobby, my vision has turned hazy around the edges. I
His voice cuts through the noise in my head, but it's muted, like
shake
to the car, his hand tight around my waist, and he's the only
me upright.
us, I close my eyes and breathe. I focus on that. In. Out. Until my pulse slows enough that I can find
pregnant," I tell him, my
he lets out a slow breath and reaches for me, his hand finding the back of my neck
of my head.
sit like that for a
No words.
Just breathing.
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