Chapter 175

The Figured it Out

That night, I force myself to slow down, to actually think. Nikki convinced me that it is time to talk to them, and I convince her that I need one more night to process everything.

Tomorrow I will speak to them, open up in ways that I have never opened up before. Ask them questions that will probably make us all question what our future will look like.

I go over every conversation, every moment, trying to make sense of what I feel, of what I

want.

Then, finally, I make a decision. I text our group chat, setting the expectation so we all

know what's needed.

A: Can we all talk after dinner?

J: Sure.

Aiden: Yeah, of course.

Z: Yes.

And just like that, it's set in stone. There's no backing out.

Hours later, we are all sitting in the living room. The guys are sitting beside each other on the couch while I am on a chair I dragged in from the dining table.

I want to face them, look at them all as we speak.

I'm so tense that my stomach knots up. I didn't really eat much of my dinner, nervous about this conversation. My palms are damp, my mouth dry as I lick my lips to try to add

some moisture.

I take a deep breath, searching for something steady, and my eyes find Zaid.

He's watching me, his expression unreadable, but when our gazes meet, everything inside

enough to tell

It's enough.

and finally speak. "I thought I was

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The Figured it Out

The room goes still.

into his knees

brows furrow, like

wide and a hot, red blush

kind

is the first to speak. "You thought you were

I'm not. But for a few days, I really thought I

closes his eyes, letting out a slow breath, like he's

anxious energy.

blows out a sharp exhale, running a hand through his hair. "Thank, fuck. Holy shit. I'm way

small, breathy laugh. “Yeah. I know how you feel.

the same time, both Jake and

hasn't said a word.

aren't you

his brother and father, still not saying a

his eyes. "You

had, too. I couldn't let

you guys. And I didn't want to go to the

Jake rears back, turning to me with

went to the doctor's with you?" Jake asks, his chest heaving as his breath picks

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The Figured it Out

really knowing why they are

He waited in the

Zaid, who is staring at his lap. "No, um, he waited in the

eyebrows go to his hairline and Jake looks like he can't breathe. Something crosses his eyes and I can't quite place it. It's realization,

in front of me, taking my hands into his. "Is that what you wanted to tell us?

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