Chapter 173 Ava: Hard Truths

Vanessa sighs, her hand warm and gentle against my back, rubbing in soothing circles. "Ava, understand that you can be wrong, even when you're right. Or right, even when you're wrong."

A laugh bubbles up, hysterical and wild. "That makes no sense."

"You chafe under his protection. You feel caged, right?"

A quick nod. Of course. That much is obvious.

"It's okay to feel that way. It's normal, even. But is Lucas wrong to keep your safety in consideration?"

Selene sighs, bumping her head against my legs, and I tug at one of her ears. "No, of course not."

"The party was a terrible misfortune. None of us expected a vampire attack on pack lands. For something like this to happen…" Her words trail off, and she glances away. "I don't even know how long it's been. We knew Blackwood was working with the Unregistered in some way, but to have this level of alliance is unheard of."

Hunching my shoulders, I mutter, "I never would have gone, if I'd known."

"I know." The gentle rubbing never ceases. "And Lucas didn't blame you. He doesn't blame you. He blames himself."

"But he didn't do anything wrong. It was me." Guilt gnaws at me. "I was the one who bothered him about the guards. About my freedom. I pushed to go to the party. Everything was because of me.

The vampire wanted me, and now Lisa's gone."

Resting my forehead on my knees, I whisper, "I'm a plague to everyone who cares about me. So many people are dead, and even Lisa…"

"A defeatist attitude isn't going to help you, Ava." The back rubs stop as Vanessa gets off the bed, her voice firming. "The time for wallowing is long past. You've grown stronger, and you're no longer the flinching pup I first met. You're our future Luna. Yes, the massacre happened. Neither you or Lucas knew it would happen.

It's a terrible and unfortunate situation."

"But it's my fault. What am I supposed to do?" Turning my head so my cheek is against my knees, I watch Vanessa as she stands in front of me. "It's my fault. I should have just sat at home and kept my mouth shut. Never put anyone in danger…"

Vanessa stares at me, one brow raised, as my words trail off.

I'm saying something wrong. I can tell in her facial expression.

captive, demanding an answer I'm not sure

the party without guards, risking everything for a taste of freedom, or to stay locked away in your apartment, watched at all times like a prisoner?" Her questions cut deep, exposing the flaws in my

remain silent, my tongue leaden

when

"Was there no middle ground, Ava? No way to get what you wanted while staying within

skull, colliding with the unyielding walls of my stubborn resolve. I want to

Could I have found

answer seems obvious, but I shy away from

me,

too hard as well, little wolf. Her voice is

position, feeling too childish in how I'm moping, I do my

always been amazing, one of the few supports in my world. So I take a deep

But at the time, it felt

excuse sounds pathetic, even to my

white, Ava. It's a tapestry woven with

answer comes easily, a truth I've always known

own choices in such stark contrasts?

a challenge I can't ignore. I close my eyes, searching for the answer within myself. Selene's presence

it's easier? Easier to believe I have no choice, that I'm backed

options, other paths I could have taken. Compromises I could have made, if only I'd been willing to

stand on my own

determined to prove my independence than

at my throat. "Scared of losing myself, of being suffocated by the constant surveillance and control. I wanted to prove that I could make my own choices,

my hand in hers, the warmth of her grasp traveling up my arm and into

insists, with the softest whine. You are much

are strong," Vanessa echoes. "But that doesn't mean leaning on your allies is weakness.

for the connection between us. Her voice is soft as she continues, "The desire for freedom, for autonomy, is a powerful thing. But it's important to remember that true freedom comes

nod, blinking back the tears that threaten

Many lives were lost. Young lives, lives with promise. While the fault lies with our enemies, it is a consequence that we should have avoided." A flicker of sadness crosses her face. "Our alpha

Like me.

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